Haven't written in about a week... Things have been busy I guess.
I just woke up from another dream about her...
In this one we talk things out and everything is alright.
She falls asleep in my arms again.
To be quite honest I don't know how to feel about all these dreams.
Are they to give me hope? Or are they to taunt me with the impossible?
I really don't know why...
But for that brief moment when I actually believe the dream to be real... I'm happy.
This is certainly what Hell must be like...
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those will probably last for quite a while... on a similar yet of course different note, i used to always have dreams about my brother. remember me mentioning those? i considered reality to be a nightmare, so in my dreams i often got confused as to what was real and what wasnt. in the dreams, matthew would be alive and he'd be okay. i'd even hug him and hold onto him and MAKE SURE he was REALLY there, so when i woke up i'd be like YES! I KNEW IT WAS JUST A NIGHTMARE! and then about an hour later it'd start to dawn on me... wait... which one's real? a little walk around my house could answer that question, which would tend to throw me into a fresh batch of depression. i couldnt tell if i liked the dreams because my brother was there, or if i didnt need to have them since it made me so bleeeh upon the realization of reality. either way, they're just gonna happen...
I still dream about a lady. I think it is because that is what I really want--to be with her again. I want to not want that, but I just can't kill it off. Don't derive any hope from your dreams. It will only make things worse.
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