Saturday, June 2, 2007

Numb

It was one week from when she started blocking me and I asked how she was doing and she finally told me...

She told me I was dead to her.

I am no longer allowed to talk to any of her family again.

Nor am I to try and contact her ever.

At first I couldn't breathe...

I can't even begin to explain the vast amount of emotions twisting inside.

Did she ever love me?

O r was all of it a lie...?

How can you just cut out someone you claimed to have loved?

Now I feel a different pain or rather no pain at all.

I don't know how to describe it.

It hurts more than anything ever, yet now it feels normal.

I would love to blow my brains out in front of her just to give her an idea of how it feels. Maybe by such a vivid illustration she could grasp what I am currently feeling.

If I am going to live like this I will no longer let myself be this weak ever again.

For a girl to make someone want to die every second like this...

It's not right.

From now on everything will be like an equation.

Cold, hard science.

At least this way I will never have to feel like this again.

2 comments:

Unknown said...

That's really horrible.

I really don't understand how someone can do that.

For me it's so hard to connect to people so it seems rediculous to take one of those connections for granted, and plain suicide to cut one off.

I'm sorry. I wish there was something I could do to ease your pain.

Anonymous said...

yeaaa that definitely hurts... but shutting down all emotion isnt the answer. it wont solve anything. an equation that cant even solve itself. keep going forward, but tread lightly. you'll get to better terrain and, eventually down the road, leave that pain behind.