You Get What Everyone Else Gets. You Get A Lifetime.

I'm in another one of my angsty moods again. I think I have too much anger for one person. Proof is my dreams. Last night I beat the shit out of him. In the dream he was trying to set me off and he did. I lost my composure and practically killed him. It was weird because there were other people there too, but they didn't understand why I hated him. They were asking what he ever did to me. They didn't know... They didn't know what he did Fall semester. They didn't know how he was making my life Hell. They didn't know how he was two-faced to a guy he didn't even know. They didn't know that he was a manipulative bastard. They didn't know that he impressed his "Christian" dogma on everyone and everything. It's people like him that make others hate the faith.

I'm sure Danielle would be upset if she knew how much I hated him... She kind of already does, but yeah... I wonder if this is how she views Emily...? It's complicated and I don't want to try and imagine that. I try too hard to see everyone else's perspective as it is. Do I do that to be fair or do I do that because I'm paranoid?

Came out to Brian this weekend. He was surprised. Honestly, he might've been too drunk to remember. But he seemed to have taken it well. He made a point that the three Villanueva kids have never really been close. I maintain that we are just an emotionally detached family. And I believe that it is true.

Danielle told me what he mother had been saying and Emily chewed me out about drinking. Seemed like good enough reasons to get plastered. Went to Thomas and Christin's party. Had fun. Had a huge hangover the next morning.

After the hangover I went with Jon to Arby's and Books-A-Million. Picked up Watchmen and the fifth Vampire Knight (for Danielle). Not too long after coming back to the dorm Derek and Anne asked if I wanted to go to the fair. We did. I think it was sponsored by churches or something. We had a fun conversation with a guy on "Dinosaurs and Humans". He gave a lot of bullshit science. We kept correcting him on a lot of it until finally we just decided to shut up and let him give us his spiel so we could leave. When we walked away we pointed out all of his inaccuracies.
Didn't have much money so I only played one game. Shooting. Won on my first shot and got a stuffed fox for Danielle. I kept finding myself missing her... Thoughts like, "She would love this" or "I know what she would say" just keep replaying in the back of my head.

Tonight she is going to go with me to drop off Kenta at Emily's party. Heh, she's bringing homework to work on and I need to study anyway. Ergh, I don't even want to think about the quiz on Friday...

What's wrong, babe? Did daddy not give you enough attention?!

diaf, you sadistic fuck.

kthnxbai.

The Snows of Shadow Moses

My father is not coming home according to his schedule. In fact, he doesn't know when he is coming home. Or rather, he cannot disclose that information. Since last week, everyone on base seems to be keeping something from the public. Dad has been given unusual hours and even been on and off an "alert" of some sort. There was some speculation from the outside at what might be happening. Russia's broken truce? A North Korean attack? I don't know... I wonder how much the GMD Program has changed since the 2004 public demo. I wonder if they are working on something else...

More family concerns, my grandmother was given too much chemotherapy too quickly and nearly died from it. In one of my April entries I mentioned the discovery of cancer in her colon and she has since been this chemo regimine. Now she has an aberrantly swollen upper lip, possibly from the new medication she was prescribed. She has her good and bad days, but recently she just appears to be only having bad days.

On the bright side I may be moving back to Huntsville earlier than expected, but I will have to wait and see before I can truly be excited.

Last Chance To Lose Control

So my Summer Break has finally started. I am trying to relax as much as possible seeing as I only have a week before I move back into the dorm.

I've been alternating between Rock Band and Ragnarok. The latter causes me more trouble because of the lag on my computer. I've only been playing drums on Rock Band since the USB control chargers are MIA. I'd only do vox anyway. I am very much anti guitar.

I miss Danielle already, dammit. The weekend isn't even halfway over either... Of course I miss my other friends too. But... you know. Meh. Hope everyone is enjoying their summer. I feel the need to pirate Jon. I'M COMING FOR YOU, TAKERU!

Guess I should read some too since I have a bit of free time. I just rather enjoy being braindead for a few days. That a bad thing?

Still, You Do Not Answer...

"It is what you do when no one is watching that defines you as a person."

Personal motto. It seems as though integrity means nothing these days. Hopefully there are more people out there trying to keep chivalry alive...

Anyway...

Too much going on for the summer. I was under the impression that summer should be a break from everything. Apparently, I was mistaken.

There is some good news though, on November 7th I get to go to the Venetian for my birthday. Yep. Las Vegas for the 21st. However, I had to promise not to drink... Which will test my will-power.

I have been talking to Emily. We are becoming each other's confidant again. I asked her of Chris knew who I was yet. She said that he does... kinda... Told me that she didn't want to be forbidden to talk to me. It upset me to think that even if he did know who I was that he would not let me talk to her. I have known her longer. And I have certainly been with her longer. But whatever... I decided not to go to Jennifer's party. I was so excited when I heard about it, but knowing that Chris was going to be there... I didn't want any trouble. I want everyone to enjoy themselves there and I know I would've been annoyed.

Thanks to Marie, I have been watching Last Friends with Jon and Danielle. Not one for JDrama, but it's good. It is funny to see so many parallels between our personalities and those of the characters on the show. In fact, sometimes it is even word for word. We watched episode three last night and it was scary that something that I had said about ten minutes before was said by the character that I connect the most with...

Freak On A Leash

Well, I suppose it is finally time for a July entry on here.

Monday was Leigh's birthday so we all celebrated at Mikawa. It was a larger group of people than I had anticipated, but it was fun. Happy 21st, Leigh!

Tuesday I went to set up for Chemistry Club at COMPASS, but appearently we don't do ANYTHING for transfer students. So Sam and I Plan B'ed to Casa Blanca for lunch.

Wednesday was... uneventful, I believe.

Thursday was COMPASS again. This time there were people. Hooray.

Yesterday... was interesting to say the least. Went to the Huntsville Forensics Lab. EVERYONE there was very nice. I had been in contact with the Lab Director, Mr. Ginsberg, and I think he was surprised to know that he had been talking to me the entire time. Anyway, had fun. Club meeting. Chik-fil-a. And... yeah. Stuff.

I am coming to another point in my life where things are starting to go well. And when this happens I get worried. That's because good things rarely happen to me and when they do I get scared that something will take it away. I feel like I am bracing myself for some great misfortune so much to the point that I am not entirely sure that I am enjoying the present... I guess we'll see.

I've Been Watching, I've Been Waiting...

Geez I can't get this song out my head. I guess I might as well post it at the end of this.

So what all has happened since my last post?

Well, Chemistry Club has kept me relatively busy. I've been going to all of the COMPASS Orientations to recruit freshmen and I went with Justin and Stephen to discuss the Biochemistry of Bugs to some little kids at the Hazel Green Library.

The kids seemed more interested in the fact butterflies taste with their feet than the fact that they can sense elevated levels of radiation. Oh well...

Ran my Tournefortia glabra sample last week. The results were negative for any sort of useful natural products. Today I hope to screen my Hydrangea peruviana and Besleria formosa. Each sample run takes about an hour and a half, so two or three a day is about the maximum anyone can really hope to do since other people use the GC-MS.

Hn... ah, yes. Went to Ooltewah with Jon and Danielle. Met her parents. Met her grandparents. Met the ZOMG Baptist Church that was about the size of the bloody Shelby Center. Interesting, to say the least. Jon promptly agreed to see me for Mass next Sunday.

Life at the apartment is nice. I know I will really miss this when it comes time for Fall Semester...

____________
No sleep
No sleep until I am done with finding the answer
Won't stop
Won't stop before I find a cure for this cancer
Sometimes
I feel I going down and so disconnected
Somehow
I know that I am haunted to be wanted

I've been watching
I've been waiting
In the shadows for my time
I've been searching
I've been living
For tomorrows all my life

In the shadows

In the shadows

They say
That I must learn to kill before I can feel safe
But I'd rather kill myself than turn into their slave
Sometimes
I feel that I should go and play with the thunder
Somehow
I just don't wanna stay and wait for a wonder

I've been watching
I've been waiting
In the shadows for my time
I've been searching
I've been living
For tomorrows all my life

Lately I been walking walking in circles, watching waiting for something
Feel me touch me heal me, come take me higher

I've been watching
I've been waiting
In the shadows all my time
I've been searching
I've been living
For tomorrows all my life

I've been watching
I've been waiting
I've been searching
I've been living for tomorrows

In the shadows

In the shadows
I've been waiting