"I think all of our Moms would kill us."

I have come to the conclusion that in order to properly live one's life that random shit must be done every so often to ensure that one is still alive.

Last night was just that.

After a night of studying and Steak-n-Shake after kidnapping Jon, we (Jon, Danielle, and myself) went driving. We went to Monte Sano at 2 a.m. and parked on a curb overlooking the city. Everything looked inferior from where we stood. Danielle had already switched into her pajamas before we left, so I gave her my shoes and took off my socks and jacket. The rain was pouring. But, that view... for the three of us... It was worth it.

After Monte Sano we visited Maple Hill where I do my almsgiving for Lent. It looked so much different at night. We came back around 3:45 or so. It was glorious.

Seize The Day

Good news and bad news. Good news: the Chemistry Club is coming back full force and I love all of the other officers. Bad news: midterms are coming up and I need to work my ass off for them. Then again though, last year I was more worried about midterms than I was finals. We'll see how things turn out.

Played around with the video that I was making for '07 fall semester/ '08 spring semester. It bothered me how there was no video for the fall semester bit, so I made it just spring semester. I know I will cut it up before the semester is finished, but this is what it looks like right now. Enjoy.

021408

The concert on the 2nd was great. I had fun and it was nice for everyone to be together. Since then I've been just trying to survive classes, myself, and the ever present problems that encompass the lives of college students.

Still waiting on Dr. Johnson to email me about the lab. I should probably check to see if he has the right email for me. I'd hate to be waiting and he's already started.

Costa Rica is a sure thing too. Sent off for my passport on Monday. I'll check the status of it in a couple of days. Credit hours and being able to be on the beach/rainforest with Nick and Andrew. Sounds like fun to me.

Ugh, I've been in a terribly poetic mood lately. Disgusting really, expecially since that isn't my forte. Thought I'd put it on here to just get it out of my system. The verses have been running through my head. The more I think about the lines the more I think it sounds like some retarded emo poem, but I couldn't find any other way to express the thoughts. And no, this isn't about her. (I'm not David.) But I;d be lying if I said she didn't influence it, because she did. Anyway, whatever.

____

Bitter breezes sent the fallen leaves asunder ripping the concrete as they passed,
Their bodies: breaking, rather screaming in agony with each pass.
The barren trees did too seem to shake from the frigid air.
Heavy, frozen, and tired I gazed upon the tranquil site.
Our sanctuary, our home, our secret place,
Images flooded my mind and smiles haunted me as I took in the night air,
Slowly, deliberately I trace my thumb against your image and allow time to take me back.
We had waltzed in the snow and kissed under the stars exchanging vows of endless love.
Childish naivety.
Locked and swaying feel my body’s urge to collide with the black water.
To fade, to embrace, oh the promises the lake could fulfill.
Again the wind sweeps the beauty of yesterday across the murky terrain,
This time, however, the air pulls me with it,
Something warm, something foreign, yet all too familiar streams,
And upon examination I noticed the droplets were neither from sweat nor blood,
But rather they were the most painful of sacrifice trinity: tears.
I curse the vacant sky.
Who are you to say that there are no demons that burn for absolution, nor angels who deceive?





Happy Valentine's Day...

Long Time Since I've Seen You Smile

Well, school is clearly back in session since I haven't posted a new blog in about a month. Classes are going well, I suppose. I need to spend more time with my Cal B though, since I have been pushing it aside for everything else.

On a more personal level, I suppose I am doing a better job maintaining my composure in general. Still the regular dreams of her coming back. I try to ignore them now. Keeping myself busy is effective in avoiding those thoughts. Had a new one the night of the 22nd. I felt myself fall from some high scaffold and then shatter. My counselor said that it could have symbolised a time when I felt like I had fallen from a high position. I honestly don't know how important/relevant dreams are. And I hate how cliche this sounds, but I guess my 'soul' was leaving the body and I was being pulled up by some force. The death itself didn't frighten me. All I remember saying was that, 'I need more time...'

Dying without being able to help people is probably the most troubling thought I have. I got my research lab and to be honest, I will probably stay with it until I graduate. I promised I would dedicate my life to this project, and I will.

Ugh, emotional spiel aside, I have been trying to balance the rest of my life out as well as possible. Went to Fort Payne with Andrew and Nick two weeks ago...? Met Andrew's father and then Nick's mother made us dinner. Gym last night with Danielle. Lunch with Stephanie today. Dinner and movie with Van tonight. Lunch, possibly, with Leigh tomorrow. Attempting to spend time with friends when possible, going to the gym twice a week, R.C.I.A. every Wednesday and Mass every Sunday. Feels like a high-wire act sometimes, but it makes the days worth getting through.